| |
| |
|
Divorce Information |
|
|
|
Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent
For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce, Christmas can be a hugely trying time. Since the season is one of the most stressful times of the year anyway, this onslaught of raw emotion to the divorcee can be overwhelming. This is reflected in the Christmas surge of suicide rates. The feelings are that much more intense if there are kids involved. I know for myself, nothing could have prepared for me for the crushing sadness I felt during my first post-divorce Christmas. As a father of two young girls, it was like I was emotionally disconnected from everyone. The joy of the season was something I just switched on, for brief periods, when my little girls were at my house leading up the holidays. When they would leave until their next visit, the joyful glow of the Christmas lights and Christmas tree seemed to turn cruel and I would turn it all off. It seemed I had an inverse reaction to the level of season joy around me: the higher it was, the worse I felt. Going to the shopping malls, alone, just intensified the feelings of disconnect, as I watched parades of children that weren't mine, going through the usual excited frenzy. I remember sitting on my couch, alone in the dark, watching movies on Christmas Eve, counting down the hours until the girls arrived on Christmas Day at Noon. In the middle of the night of that first Christmas Eve, I reached my lowest of lowest and for the briefest of seconds, dark thoughts crossed my alcohol free mind about putting an end to the pain. Mercifully, I did nothing except scare myself. In fact, because now I appreciated how intense all of the feelings were, I knew I needed a plan to get through the season the next time. From that point on, I came up with the following five step plan. Step 1 - Do not be alone. You have to reach out and ask for support, from family, friends or whoever. The Crisis Line is always there to re-assure you (I know). Step 2 - Know you are not alone and connect with other people in your same circumstance. I met several people over the next year, male and female, who were in the same boat as I was. We actually had a house party on Christmas Eve the next year because no one had their kids. Everyone had a few laughs, cursed the Exs and yearned for their kids, together. It actually was a great feeling to be in that group. Step 3 - Do not feel guilty. Your kids are enjoying two Christmas celebrations instead of just one. What kid wouldn't love that? Step 4 - Give to charity or volunteer at the Food Bank. This really helped me appreciate that even in my sadness, I still had food and a home and there were people way worse off then I was. Step 5 - Don't be so hard on yourself. From the time we were kids, the Christmas season commercial frenzy creates a ton of expectations in all of us. During divorce, with your own kids jumping between houses, those expectations become very difficult if not impossible to maintain. This compounds the feeling of being a failure because you cannot emotionally keep pace with the joy you see around you. That can be further complicated by the game of trying to keep up with whatever your Ex Spouse is able to provide for kids during the season. This one can be really hard too. Over my 5 single Christmas seasons, I learned a whole new way of appreciating the season. I started to celebrate the fact that I was surviving on my own, learning to live my life differently and being a fantastic father every 2nd week. Christmas became less about gifts and more about patting myself on the back for keeping it all together. That attitude shift made a world of difference. I truly learned that the biggest gift you can give the people around you, especially your kids, is your own survival. That's what they'll always remember. ======================================================
MORE RESOURCES:
Divorce - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to unhappy, unhealthy and unsuccessful children? Parents know these for your children seek.1. Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and "Negotiating Agreement" are about how to deal with disagreement--from simple difference of opinion to active upset and anger--and some specific steps that will help you reach an agreement. As you will see, the things you can do yourself are far more effective than anything a lawyer can do for you. Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System Let's look at how a divorce case works so you can see what you face and how you can beat the legal system. The legal divorce process is similar in all states, but there are two common sets of terms. There Is Life After Divorce A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not. How to Recover From Divorce As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I have developed this list of survival strategies for people who are experiencing divorce. Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. How Thinking About An Uncontested Divorce Figures Into Your Decision About Divorce An uncontested divorce is the most common type of divorce. An uncontested divorce is a divorce that occurs when there are no disagreements between spouses over divorce related issues like custody, finances, living arrangements, spousal support, child support, etc. How to Use a Divorce Lawyer You want three things in your divorce attorney: expertise in divorce, reliability, and a good attitude. You want a lawyer who specializes in divorce (at least 50% of his/her case load), and unless you're expecting a no-holds-barred battle, you want a lawyer trained in divorce mediation who practices it professionally. Guide To Reducing The Cost Of Divorce Seven Tips to help you keep more of your money at a time when you especially need it to support two households instead of one.Educate yourself. Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense. A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce I thought I would never feel the light of life again when I realized that my marriage was going to end. In fact I went through a painful year of not knowing if it would end. Choosing Your Divorce Method The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is that they fail to plan. They simply decide to leave the relationship and then enter and ugly and expensive battle that ends up hurting everyone involved. Seven Sets of Documents You Need For Your Divorce Even if you believe your case will ultimately be agreed to and settled without a trial, you will be in a much better position if you already have the relevant documents in your possession. Better safe than sorry. Divorce Makes Us Stronger My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. Surviving Divorce: What To Think About To Ensure Surviving Divorce Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating getting a divorce. In order to ensure surviving divorce, you should first understand that your divorce decision shouldn't be taken lightly. Steps Toward Divorce When you're faced with the possibility of divorce it's important that you make sure you and your children (if you have any) are taken care of. Before you even visit the attorney you'll want to assess your financial situation. Divorce Online Sevice - Why Should We Lose Money And Time Applying For Divorce? Attempts to use the worldwide Web as an effective means of struggle against bureaucracy are undertaken constantly and sometimes successfully. Today it is possible to fill in a tax declaration, apply for bankruptcy or to receive a legal consultation. 5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves. How To Identify What The Question Should I Get a Divorce? Means To You Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over with a new life!If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" for any length of time, you should figure out what is making you feel that way if you haven't already. Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works The legal divorce vs. your real divorceThe legal divorce has very limited concerns: to get a judgment of divorce, you have to make arrangements for your property, your children, and support (if any).
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
